The Trouble with Teaching
by rcfrenchhorn33
Summary: AU: Aaron Hotchner is a doctoral student who finds himself and his position compromised as he falls in love with entrancing student, Penelope Garcia.
1. Chapter 1

It's the first thing they tell us in Teaching Assistant training: don't have sex with your students. It's one of those rules that shouldn't even have to be stated. It's just basic logic. Have sex with your student, give up all the respect you could have had in the classroom. It makes perfect sense. But when I look at her, I don't care about breaking the rules or losing respect. Seeing her walk into my seminar room twice a week is the thing I look forward to most. Penelope Garcia. Even her name is beautiful. Everything about her makes me want to take her into the nearest supply closet, and, well, that's where the trouble comes in. _Get it together, Hotchner. You have to teach the girl English, not ravish her in the nearest empty room. Plus, she deserves more than just smoking hot sex. Dinner, dancing, then smoking hot sex._

Before my thoughts can get me into trouble, she comes waltzing into the classroom. Her eyes meet mine and her smile eases the ache in my chest I didn't even realize was there. _Oh, I've got it bad_.

"Hey, Mr. Hotchner!" she says to me, and I realize that I've never liked the sound of my name so much before.

"Hi, Penelope. Having a good day?"

"It's much better now," she replies, sitting down across the table from me, giving me her best debonair smile before dedicating herself to fishing out today's readings from her backpack.

I am so engrossed by her every movement. The way her hair falls into her face when she leans over her backpack. The way her eyes light up when she finds what she's looking for. The way she delicately places her notebook on the desk and uses an elaborate pen with a flower wrapped around it to write today's date down. Three years of TAing and I've never felt anything like this for a student. Now I can't even get her off my mind.

It's not until Penelope's eyes lock with mine that I realize how much I've been staring at her. I look away quickly and realize that everyone has arrived for class. I allow myself a moment of shame for how much attention I had been paying her and internally repeat my constant mantra since she first walked into my classroom three weeks ago: _She's my student. She's my student. She's my student._

"Good afternoon, class," I say, finally having regained my nerve. "Let's jump in."

* * *

As everyone is packing up at the end of class, I hear some students begin to discuss their plans for the weekend.

"Hey, Mr. Hotchner," one of them calls, "want to grab drinks with us Saturday night?"

I smirk before looking up and responding, "Sorry, guys. That's against university policy. And I have plans."

"What are you up to, Mr. H? Going to see your girlfriend?" Against my better judgment, I look to gauge Penelope's reaction and see her looking away dejectedly, pretending not to be paying attention to the conversation.

"Nope. Don't have one of those," I say, watching as hope is rekindled in Penelope's eyes and her gaze finds mine. After a few seconds, I break eye contact and continue. "I'm going to be hanging out with some of my fellow doctoral students on Saturday. We're going to the basketball game."

I hear a choking cough come from across the table and notice Penelope looking startled. "Are you okay, Penelope?" I ask in concern.

"I'm fine, Mr. Hotchner…just something in my throat. See you later!" she calls as she exits the room.

* * *

I try to not think about that odd interaction, especially since I'm trying to avoid thinking about her. Although, that's proving to be futile. She seems to be all I think about that Saturday. Even though I'm supposed to be working on grading and writing, I can't seem to focus on anything. Anything but Penelope. I've only known her for a few weeks, but I like everything about her. The way she smirks when I make a joke in class. The way she smiles when I call on her to answer a question. The elegant grace she uses to answer questions, always right, always finding the best way to state the answer. It's been very distracting. I need to get away from her and escape my thoughts. That's why I agreed to tonight in the first place.

Hanging out with the history and political science doctoral students wasn't exactly what I imagined myself doing on a Saturday night, but it hopefully will be exactly what I need to clear my head. Drink some beer, watch some basketball, and probably get into a heated discussion about which of our fields is the most important. Pretty typical conversation with these people.

I head to the arena and find my seat in the second row. As the others start to come in, we strike up casual conversation generally revolving around how teaching has been going, how writing has been, and general problems we've been having. I mostly keep quiet during this conversation, and only my friend David Rossi, a doctoral student in history who is sitting next to me, seems to notice.

He leans over to me and strikes up a quiet conversation. "What's going on, Aaron?"

"Nothing, Dave, just the usual."

"And what usual would that be? Writer's block? Troublesome students?"

"More the latter than the former, although the former has become a problem because of the latter."

"Ah. Falling for a student?"

"How-"

"I've been there, my friend. It is not a pretty place to be. One of the hardest things I've been through in my life. Pun intended."

"What happened?" I ask. But before Dave can respond, the cheerleaders enter the arena and my attention is drawn away quickly as recognition comes to me. _That's why she started coughing when I said I was coming to this game_. Standing before me, leading the crowd in a pregame cheer is none other than Penelope Garcia, wearing a very short shirt and very revealing top. _Oh fuck._


	2. Chapter 2

"You alright, Aaron?" Dave leans over and asks me. I finally break my focus from Penelope shaking in ways I desperately wanted to see, but in a different environment altogether.

"Yeah, sorry. Just got distracted."

"I didn't peg you as the cheerleader type," he responds, looking out onto the floor to find what I had been staring at so intently. "Unless you're not and it's just that one cheerleader. The blonde. She's the girl?"

I clear my throat before responding, finding it suddenly dry. "Yeah. That's her. She's in one of my seminars."

"She's beautiful." Before I can resist, I look at Dave with anger in my eyes. "It was just a comment, Aaron. I'm not after you girl. Jeesh. You've got it bad."

"I know," I reply, putting my head in my hands. "I shouldn't have come tonight. I just wanted to escape thinking about her for a few hours. That seems impossible now."

"Especially with her wearing that outfit." After Dave's response, I can't help but look back out on the floor at Penelope. _He's right. She looks incredible._ The cheerleaders begin their pregame routine and I feel my heart skip a few beats as she dances before me. Her high kicks are my undoing as her beautiful creamy skin is revealed more and more and my imagination kicks into high gear. Visions of my hands on those creamy thighs, my mouth on those thighs. _Oh god, I need to get out of here._

I stand up to leave, but as I do, Penelope looks over and her eyes find mine. She smirks at me and it is my utter undoing. Dave pulls me back into my seat and I can't tear my eyes away from hers. It seems that every move she makes is made for me. _This was such a bad idea._

Thankfully, the routine ends shortly after my attempted exit, and I see Penelope head over to the sideline with the other cheerleaders. Her eyes find mine once again as the team enters, and they are only torn away by the look of surprise she has on her face as one of the players runs behind her and smacks her ass. My eyes tear away from hers in anger and I find myself looking at number 22.

"Who is number 22?" I ask Dave, trying to seem as though it's out of interest in the team.

"Ah, the young man who just smacked your girl's ass?"

"She's not my girl. Who is he?"

"That would be Derek Morgan. Team captain. He's supposed to lead them to the National Championship this year."

"Good for him."

"Don't sound so bitter. They're probably just friends."

"Really? Do you smack your female friends on the ass?"

"Generally, no, but you never know."

"You're really selling me on this."

"I'm sorry. Maybe it's for the best if it helps you get over her."

"Yeah," I responded, feeling broken on the inside. _I am way too attached to her to be feeling this way._

* * *

Somehow I find the ability to stay for the rest of the game, although I find myself not able to focus on anything. I can't look at the court or I risk looking at Penelope. I can't think about the game or I think about that Derek Morgan character. Every time I attempted to leave, Dave pulled me back down and told me that this is what I needed. As if torture is going to help me get over the girl of my dreams.

At halftime, when the cheerleaders took the floor again, I refused to even acknowledge their presence. Taking the time to leave the court and grab beers for my whole group. I didn't mind one bit that the line was horrendously long as long as it meant that I was away from her and the temptation to watch her.

However, at the end of the game, I found myself unable to continue avoiding her and looked up just as Derek Morgan was walking over to her. As she saw him approaching, her eyes found mine and she looked apologetic and worried, but nothing kept her from talking to Morgan. Based on their body language, it was pretty clear that he was flirting with her and she seemed to be responding to it. The playful push from Penelope is exactly what I needed to finally force me to make my way out of the arena and back home, worried about how I was going to act when I finally saw her again that coming week.

* * *

"Derek, what are you doing?!" I ask as Derek walks up to me, forcing me to tear my eyes away from Mr. Hotchner.

"What, Baby Girl? I just came over to talk to you. You know, post-victory flirting session."

"Yeah, sorry, I'm just-"

"Distracted? I noticed. Who's that guy you've been staring at the whole game? You're supposed to be staring at me."

"Oh shut up," I respond, pushing him while trying to keep the blush from my face.

"No, seriously. Who is he? I've never seen you look at someone like that."

"He's my TA for the English class I'm taking."

"Ooh. An older guy. Look at you."

"Yeah, but it's never going to happen."

"And why is that?"

"Because he's my TA. He'd be in danger of losing his job if he was even seen with me outside of school. If we dated, he'd definitely lose it. I can't do that to someone. No matter how dreamy their eyes or how well they read Shakespeare's sonnets in class. Plus, I'm not sure how he's going to feel about me after tonight?"

"What do you mean? You look hot as hell in that uniform."

"Well, thank you, sugar, but I actually meant because of you smacking my ass."

"Oh, that," he responds grabbing the back of his neck. "Sorry if that messed things up."

"No, it's fine. And it's not like I didn't enjoy it or didn't know what it was. I love a good friendly ass grab as much as the next girl. The problem is our eternal problem: people don't get our friendship. I just like him a lot."

"Then maybe he'll figure it out."

 _If only._


	3. Chapter 3

Sitting in my office the following Monday, I still can't stop myself from thinking about the game on Saturday. It seemed like she was interested in me. She kept staring at me, watching me, moving for me. For my eyes only. How could I have interpreted it so incorrectly? One minute she can't break our eye contact and the next she only has eyes for butt smacker Derek Morgan. Maybe Dave was right. Maybe I did need to see that even though it hurt. At least now I don't have a reason to hold onto hope.

She's not interested in me. And she shouldn't be. I'm four years older than her and I'd lose my job for just thinking about touching her. And boy do I do a lot of that. _Stop this! She's just a girl. There are plenty more. And she's a girl who's totally off limits. I need to stop this._ But before I can distract myself, there's a knock at my office door. It shouldn't surprise me because I'm here to meet with students, they just don't usually come in unless it's time for exams or papers.

"Come in!" I yell. And in she walks. _I should have known._ "Ms. Garcia, how can I help you?" Those words alone are enough to bring a dejected look to her eyes as she looks away from me while shutting the door and coming to stand before my desk.

She takes a deep breath and I enjoy watching the rise and fall of her chest before she gathers her courage and her eyes once again find mine. "Mr. Hotchner, I need to talk to you about Saturday."

"Why? There's nothing to talk about."

"I'm afraid that you got the wrong impression during the game." _At least I'm still right occasionally._ "About me and Derek." The quizzical look on my face was enough for her to continue. "Derek and I are just friends. He's my best friend, actually, and no one seems to be able to understand that that's all we are. All we'll ever be."

"Oh. And you're upset about this?"

"No! I'm upset because I'm afraid that you think that our interaction was something more."

"You mean when he smacked your ass?"

"Yes," she replied, a blush beginning to creep onto her face. "That and the end of the game when he came up to talk to me. I'm sure that both of those looked like something else, but I can promise that I don't want anything more from Derek."

"I'm not sure why you're telling me this."

"I thought that that would be pretty obvious. Especially from the way I was looking at you during the game."

I cough in surprise at her response and find that I need to change the topic instantly before something bad happens. She is, after all, still my student, and she's in my office. _We shouldn't be having this conversation. Not here. Not ever._

"Ms. Garcia, unless you're here to discuss this week's readings, I suggest that you leave."

"Fine," she huffs before going to sit at one of the chairs opposite my desk. "Have it your way. Let's talk about this week's readings."

"What reading are you having trouble with?"

" _Romeo and Juliet_."

"Really?"

Sure! Why the hell not."

"What don't you understand?"

"I don't understand how two people who have deep feelings for each other don't just say 'damn the consequences' and get together."

"Because sometimes there are more important things than love."

"Do you honestly believe that?!" she asked, sounding unbelieving and hurt at the same time.

"No. But I wish I did."

"So why can't they just be together and sort all of the rest of it out later?"

"Because that's not practical."

"They're just kids. They're not supposed to be practical."

"And that's why they both end up the way they do."

"So you're saying that when people are in love they have to be practical or else they'll end up dead."

"No, I'm saying that terrible things tend to happen when you stop being practical and only follow your heart."

"You wouldn't do anything for anyone if it meant that you could possibly get into trouble? Even if the chance was small?"

"The chance isn't small. That's the whole point. The chance is huge! They could be caught at any point by anyone. They wouldn't be able to be truly happy because they'd always have to hide it from everyone. They wouldn't be able to go on dates or see a movie without fear of being seen! And he could lose his position and be forced out of his program and she would be miserable knowing that she chose him."

"That's an awful lot of hypotheticals. And you seem to be casting aside the fact that they'd be happy at least some of the time."

"Happiness is overrated."

She stands up suddenly and I look up as she says "I have to leave. I can't sit here and listen to this anymore."

"You don't have to leave," I plead, really wanting our time together to not end like this.

"But I do. I can't deal with someone who truly believes that love isn't the end all be all. That there are things more important than being happy. That we wouldn't be worth it in the end." The last sentence is spoken so quietly that I barely hear it and even though I do, I instantly question whether or not she really said it.

"But maybe I don't really believe any of those things. Maybe I'm just saying them so that I push you away. Force you to leave and then I never have to face my feelings," I respond, feeling my face flushing under her gaze.

"And what feelings would those be?"

"That maybe this is real. And it terrifies me. And I can't afford to lose my job here. But every ounce of me wants to say damn the consequences and just go for it."

"I think you mean that Romeo was scared of his feelings and what it would do to his family."

"That's not what I mean at all, Penelope," I respond, standing up and moving closer to her. Before she can move away, I grab her hand and lace our fingers together as I move my other hand behind her head. Her eyes meet mine and I hear her gasp in the instant before our lips meet.


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as my lips find hers, my soul finds a peace that I never knew I was searching for. Everything makes sense to me in that moment and there is no doubt in my mind that this is right. That we are right. And that she is perfect. Our lips mold together and I hear her moaning obscenely as I lick the seam of her lips and our tongues meet. My hand that's holding hers moves to the small of her back where I pull her even closer to me until our bodies mold together. Her hands move until they are on my back and in my hair, pulling us impossibly closer together.

After several long and erotic minutes, we pull apart and rest our foreheads together as we take long breaths. I can't stand being apart from her, though, and begin kissing as much of her exposed skin as I can find. Her forehead, down to her nose, her cheeks, and finally, I find my newest favorite spot, her pulse point. As soon as I begin tasting her, I feel her knees give out and I pull her closer, holding her up and enjoying the effect I'm having on her. Glad that I'm not alone in these feelings.

"A-Aaron," she stumbles in getting my attention. "Aaron, we-we need to stop. We can't-can't do this. Not here." I pull away from her throat, knowing that she is right and that she's going to have the visible sign of this moment with her for some time through the nicely forming bruise on her pulse point.

I finally am able to regain conscious thought as I get farther from her, and say "Do you want to come over to my place?"

"Yes," she responds without hesitation. I grab my briefcase and tell her where to meet me before sending her on her way and packing up my things.

* * *

I pick Penelope up a block away from my parking lot and we head towards my apartment. The drive has never felt longer. Between the sexual tension in the air and all that has happened between us over the past few days, I'm not quite sure what to say to her.

 _What if she doesn't want me? What if we both just got caught up in the moment? I can't bring her back to my place. She's going to assume that I just want her for sex. Oh no! What if she thinks that I just want this to be about sex? I mean, I want sex. I really want sex, but I also want a future with this woman._

Before I can say anything, Penelope starts laughing in the seat next to me and I look over at her, confused. "Sorry," she starts, "there was a funny billboard. It said-"

"Penelope, I need to make something clear."

"O-okay."

"I want this – us – to be about more than just sex. I don't want you to think that me inviting you back to my place means that I want sex. I mean, I do want sex, but I want sex when we're ready for it, whether that's tonight or a year from now. I guess I'm just trying to say that my feelings for you are real and I want us to be together more than just sexually."

"Phew- I thought you were going to say the opposite. That you just wanted sex. I'm really glad to hear you say all that. Because I want the same things. I really like you, Aaron. I know we haven't know each other long and that we don't know each other well, but I know what kind of person you are, and that's all I really need to know that you're right for me. I want to get to know you better. And make out a lot. Then we'll see what happens."

I chuckle at her response before reaching over and grabbing her hand which she had been using to wring her skirt. I bring it up to my mouth and kiss it before putting it onto my thigh where I let it rest before grabbing the wheel once again.

Her hand squeezes my thigh as she says "It was really dangerous of you to do that."

"Do what?" I ask before feeling her hand slowly inching its way up my thigh. I look over at her and feel my face flush as I see the devious look on her face. "Two can play at that game, Penelope," I respond, placing my hand on her bare thigh below where her skirt fell and began to work my way up under the fabric.

Penelope leans across the center console and whispers in my ear "Two problems with that. I'm not driving and you're just as effected by touching me as I am. Maybe you should pull over."

"No," I say, but it doesn't really come out, so I clear my throat and try again. "No, you deserve better than a quick fuck in the backseat. Much as I want that."

"That's actually really sweet," she says kissing my cheek before facing forward again and moving her hand back down my thigh closer to my knee. "Am I safe here?"

"Probably. But you never really know. And don't think that this means that I'm going to do the same with my hand," I respond before continuing moving my hand up her thigh.

* * *

A few hours later, we find ourselves in my bed cuddling after a heavy make out session. Penelope's head is resting on my chest and she's playing with my shirt, a sure sign that she's trying to figure out how to say what she wants to say.

"Can I ask you a question?" she begins and I nod before she continues. "How long do we have to hide this? Is it until you're finished being a student, until I'm finished being a student, or until I'm finished being your student?"

"Honestly," I begin, my fingers running through her hair, "I'm not sure. This isn't something that happens. It's completely and totally forbidden. If anyone's done this before, they've hidden it completely. I honestly have no idea how to do this. Or what to do."

"Well then, we'll just have to figure it out as we go along," she responds, pulling my face down to meet hers in another smoldering kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

The next few weeks prove to be equally amazing and trying for our relationship. Penelope and I try to find time every day to spend together. A part of that is because we don't want the honeymoon period of our relationship to go to waste just because we can't be seen together, but a much larger reason is that I find it hard to make it through the day without seeing her. She's brought so much joy to my life and I don't understand how I survived before her. I was so miserable and didn't fully realize it until she came along.

It feels like we're finally starting to get the hang of this relationship now. We developed a system to see each other between her classes, and occasionally she'll "accidentally" run into me so that we get some physical contact in that day. We try to spend time together every day, but between our busy schedules, that can be a challenge. I will say that I've gone to more basketball games in the past three weeks than I ever thought I would attend in my life. And two weeks ago after one of the games, we couldn't help it anymore. We went back to my place after the game and didn't leave the bed for a long time.

For the first time that I can remember, my life has become about more than just work, work, work. I'm finally enjoying being where I am and doing what I'm doing. Or who I'm doing, in this case.

The only problem that I've been having is trying to keep it together when we're in class. Sometimes she likes to try and push the boundaries, whether it's through wearing exposing clothing, or licking her lips obscenely when she knows I'm looking, she always tries to get me aroused during class. And most of the time it works. We're getting dangerously close to me taking her back to my office and having sex on the desk, consequences be damned. The temptation is very real.

I'm drawn away from my ponderings by my phone buzzing on the counter next to me.

 _Just got out of practice. On my way._

I turn the stove on and begin warming up our dinner. Penelope has been spending more and more time at my apartment, even if it's just eating dinner with me, although it's almost always eating dinner and then spending the night. _I wonder what she's telling her roommate._ Before I can get too lost in my thoughts again, the door opens and Penelope walks in like a breath of fresh air.

"Hey, baby," she says, walking into the kitchen and throwing her keys down on the counter. "What's for dinner?" She leans up and attempts to give me a quick kiss, which I instantly deepen. When we pull away, she's clinging on to me and completely flushed.

"You, if you're not careful."

"That doesn't sound like much of a threat, Mr. Hotchner."

"So I'm Mr. Hotchner now, huh?"

"Only when you're delusional enough to think that sex with you is a punishment."

"I see that I've finally lost my ability to frighten you."

"I'm not sure that you ever had it," she responds, lightly smacking my ass before going to set the table for dinner.

"Pen, I was thinking before you came in," I begin a moment later and she looks away from the table to me. "What do you tell your roommate, Emily? About us, I mean. I mean, where does she think you spend all of your time? And all of the nights that you don't come home?"

She looks back at the table and I see a blush rising in her face before she responds. "I'm not sure that you're going to like the answer to that, Aaron."

"Try me."

"Emily's used to me not being around. We kind of have an understanding and it's worked out well for us the past two years."

"What kind of understanding?" She still refuses to meet my gaze, so I turn off the stove and go over to the table to still her hands and bring her chin up until our eyes meet, trying to let her know that she can tell me the truth.

"Well, Emily usually has someone over to the room. Pretty much every night. So I try to not spend my nights there. She's not quiet. And I like my sleep."

"Did you try talking to her about it?"

"No, I never felt the need to. I don't care that she wants to have sex and I don't want to keep her from her sex life. I only really cared the first few weeks before I found somewhere to stay."

"At a friend's room?"

"Yep," she responds quickly and continues working on the table.

"Ah. Derek."

She looks up at me in surprise and I wish that I had it in me to laugh at the startled look on her face. "Yeah, Derek," she finally responds. I take a few steps away from her and turn around, trying to keep my jealousy from oozing out. "Aaron," she says, coming up behind me. "Derek is just a friend. He's my best friend. And if our situation was different, I would want you to get to know him and become friends with him yourself. I think you two would really get along."

"Penelope, you can't just tell me that you've spent the past two years in another man's bed and then tell me that you want him and I to become friends. It doesn't work that way."

"Aaron, you know that it's not like that between me and Derek. I slept on his futon or on his roommate's bed when his roommate would be with his girlfriend. You need to stop worrying about Derek."

"It's just hard for me to accept that."

"Why?"

"Because of the way you two act with each other. You flirt all the time and seem to have feelings for each other."

"I can't speak for Derek's feelings, I only know mine."

"And what are they?"

"I love you, Aaron." At her words, I can't help myself any longer. I turn around and face her and see a look of fear and worry on her face.

"Do you mean it?"

"Of course I mean it!" With that, I move toward her and carry her off to bed.

* * *

Lying in bed after, making patterns across his chest with my finger while he runs his fingers through my hair, I feel so much contentment.

"I love you too, you know. In case the sex didn't clear that up," he begins.

"I got the message loud and clear, loverboy," I respond, a huge smile on my face. He leans down to kiss me before moving off the bed to go to the bathroom. As soon as the door shuts, I hear someone knocking at the front door. I wrap the sheet around myself before moving to answer it.

"Pen!" I hear Aaron call from the bathroom.

"Just a minute, I'm getting the door."

"Pen!" He yells again, but before I understand why, I open the door and my jaw drops.


	6. Chapter 6

After finally leaving bed and heading to the bathroom, I hear a knock at the front door. "Pen!" I yell, knowing that she has probably forgotten that she's not supposed to be here.

"Just a minute, I'm getting the door," she responds. I feel all of the blood drain from my face as I quickly leave the bathroom and pull on a pair of sweatpants before making my way towards the door.

"Pen!" I yell again, but it's too late. She's opened the door already. And wearing a sheet from the bed, leaving opportunities for explanation to a minimum. _Maybe it's one of my neighbors. Maybe it's one of my neighbors,_ I think repeatedly as I move to the door. From this vantage point, I only see Penelope's back, and I know that she's lost the ability to speak.

"Who the hell are you?" I hear from the other side of the door, taking a sharp inhale as I realize who it is. I take the last final steps to the door and pull the floundering Penelope back inside.

"What are you doing here, Haley?" I ask, trying to keep calm, but knowing that this situation could become explosive quickly.

"I just-who is she?" she asks me, refusing to acknowledge Penelope's presence next to me.

"What are you doing here, Haley?" I state again, more slowly and hopefully more insultingly.

"I came to see you. I hadn't seen you in a while and I was worried."

"Where exactly would we have run into each other?"

"I don't know, Aaron! I just thought that we would see each other at some point in our lives. We do live in the same town after all."

"It's a big town."

"Bigger when you're avoiding me."

"I'm not avoiding you, Haley. I have no reason and no desire to see you."

"Aaron, don't be like that."

"Haley, I want you to leave. Please."

"Not until you introduce me to your girlfriend."

"Haley, leave. Now."

"What, are you ashamed of her?"

"Leave now before I call the police and have you removed."

"Fine, but know that you can't throw me out of your life this easily, Aaron."

"Goodbye, Haley," I respond, slamming the door shut in her face before I lean against it, taking in gasping breaths, trying to regain some semblance of control.

A noise behind me breaks me out of my stupor and I turn around to see that Penelope has fled back to the bedroom. _Oh shit_ , I think as I enter the room and see Penelope dressing in a frenzy.

"Pen, what are you doing?" I ask quietly, trying to not upset her further. She continues moving frantically and seems to have not heard my question. I move over to her and wrap my arms around her, trying to still her movements. As soon as my arms are around her, she leaps away from me, but she does turn around to face me, looking ashen.

"Who was she?" she asks, her question barely audible.

"Pen, sit down," I say gently, grabbing her hand and pulling her down to the bed with me. I wrap my arms around her and after a few seconds, she begins to relax and soften into the embrace. "I'm really sorry about that. I'm sorry that any of that happened. I've been trying to work up the courage to tell you about Haley, but I only didn't because I didn't want to talk about her. Everything that happened between the two of us makes me miserable and for the first time since that, I'm not miserable. I'm happier than I ever remember being, so I'm trying to live in the moment and not dwell on the past."

"So, she's an ex?"

"Yes. She was my first girlfriend. Are you sure you want to hear about this?"

"Yes, but only if you want to tell me. I don't want to upset you."

"And I love you for that. But it's time I tell you." I take a deep breath before beginning my story. "I met Haley when we were in high school. I was captain of the soccer team and she was a theatre kid, so our paths never really crossed. It wasn't until senior year that I met her for the first time. I accidentally wandered into musical auditions and when I saw her perform, I was entranced. I even auditioned for the musical so that I would have the opportunity to be near her. We started dating soon after that and fell in love quickly. But falling in love with her ended up being one of the worst things that happened to me."

"We ended up going to the same college, which was completely unintentional. Or so I thought. By the time we started going out, we had already applied to colleges, and I had been recruited to play soccer at several schools. I made my decision on my own and told Haley once I decided. She was thrilled and told me that she had been accepted at the same school and was waiting to tell me that she was planning on going there."

"So we spent the next four years in complete bliss. She was studying to become a nurse and I was studying English, so we didn't see each other often, but we made a point of spending time together. The day after graduation, I proposed. And she accepted. We started planning our life together. We set a date for the wedding and decided that we were both going to move here. Her work is flexible enough that she can live anywhere, and I wanted to come here for my doctorate. We bought a house and moved and started to get settled."

"Because of our horrible schedules, though, we saw less and less of each other. We pretty quickly started to resent each other, but at the end of the day, I was sure that we were still in love. That is, until I came home from studying one night and found her having sex with some random guy. I left that night. Packed up enough of my things to get by and stayed at a motel until I could find an apartment. When I went back to the house to get the rest of my things, she tried to talk to me, tried to talk sense into me, as she called it. She told me that she had sacrificed everything for me from the beginning of our relationship. She told me that she only went to college where she did because I was going there and she wanted to be with me. She acted like this was expected of her and that I was the monster in this situation because I didn't acknowledge the sacrifices she's made for me. She accused me of being neglectful, saying that my absence was the reason that she had to find someone else to meet her needs. She had been seeing that guy for all but a month of the time we had spent here. That would mean she was with him for nine months. And she had the right to accuse me of being the reason the relationship ended."

"After she had said all she needed to, I packed my things and told her that I never wanted to see her again. And we were doing well until she decided to show up on my doorstep and accost me and the woman I love. The first woman who has brought me true happiness in my life." I put my hand on Penelope's face and bring her gaze up to meet mine so that she can see the sincerity in my eyes and understand how deeply I love her. She gasps and she looks at me and kisses me lightly, trying to keep it from going farther.

"I'm so sorry that she did that to you, Aaron. But it made you the man that you are now. The man that I love, so I have to in some way be thankful for her and her idiocy. If she hadn't done that to you, we wouldn't be where we are now. I love you so much and I need you to know that I would never do something like that to you. I don't want to ever see you hurt."

"I love you, Pen," I respond, kissing her lightly again. "I should warn you, though, that that's probably not the last we'll hear from Haley."


	7. Chapter 7

The end of the semester was approaching much more quickly than I liked, and I can't deny the fact that I became worried about what would happen between me and Penelope once we were no longer forced to spend time together. Our schedules are completely unpredictable and Penelope will be getting insanely busy between cheerleading and classwork. With all of this in mind, I've been thinking more and more lately about asking Pen to move in with me. She practically has been living with me anyway. She spends almost every night at my apartment, has several drawers and half of the closet dedicated to her elaborate outfits, and her textbooks are spread throughout the apartment.

Waking up that morning with her in my arms sold the idea to me even further. I realized then how desperately I want to always have her waking up beside me. I don't want to go a day without seeing her, without holding her, without kissing her, without making love to her. The more time we spend together, the surer I grow that she is the person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life.

A knock at my office door pulls me from my thoughts, and I hope beyond hope that Penelope is the person asking for entrance, pretending that she needs help with the readings this week.

"Come in!" But I have no such luck. In the door walks the absolute last person I wanted to see. "Haley, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you when I knew you wouldn't be with your _girlfriend._ " The way she says the word makes it clear that she both doesn't think that Penelope is my girlfriend and is simultaneously disgusted by the idea that she could be.

"Why? What could you possibly have to say to me?"

"I miss you, Aaron. That was why I came by your apartment the other week. I wanted to tell you how much I miss you. Miss us."

"I don't feel the same. I haven't thought about you for a long time and I haven't thought about you in that way since the moment I found out you were cheating on me."

"Aaron, that was all just a misunderstanding."

"I'm not interested in discussing this. I have no interest in rehashing our relationship. There is no part of me that even wants to see you again. Please leave before you embarrass yourself further." She gets up to leave, and I'm hoping that this is finally going to be over, but before she can leave, there's another knock at the door. _No,_ I think. _Please don't be Penelope._ But again, I'm completely out of luck today.

"Hi, Mr. Hotchner," she begins, entering the office and looking at the book she's holding, not noticing that Haley is in the room, looking confused. "I was wondering if we could talk about this week's-"

She lets out a small squeak as she looks up and sees that Haley is standing there, now looking victorious and vicious all at once. Her eyes go wide and I can tell that she's thinking about bolting.

"Penelope, Haley was just leaving, so please stay and we can talk."

"Well, Aaron," Haley interjects, "I'm not sure that I am leaving. Especially now. This just got good. She's your student? Aren't there all sorts of rules against that? I wonder what would happen if anyone found out about this. Would you lose your job? Struggle to find a program that will accept you? Maybe never get your doctorate, the thing that you used to say was the one thing you wanted most in the world."

"Some things are more important to me than that."

"Really? She's more important than your doctorate? Than your reputation?"

"No," Penelope interrupts before I can answer. "Aaron, I'm not going to let you lose everything for me. We're done." My jaw drops and out of the corner of my eye, I see Haley looking triumphant. Before I can respond, Penelope is out the door, running as far and as fast as she can from me.

Haley clears her throat in an obvious attempt to get my attention, but my eyes are still fixed on the spot where Penelope was just standing, my mind trying to comprehend all that had happened in the last few seconds.

"Well," Haley begins even though I am not paying attention to her, "now that that's taken care of, I guess there's nothing keeping us from each other."

"Haley, you just ruined the only good thing in my life. Leave now and if I ever see you again, I will have a restraining order placed against you." With that, I move to my desk and begin to gather my things, a plan formulating. I finally hear Haley huff and then exit the office, realizing that what I'm saying is true. I grab the last of my papers and head out of my office, not entirely sure how I'm going to fix this.

* * *

I see the door as I round the corner, gathering all of my courage before approaching and knocking. After a few seconds, a familiar figure answers the door, lightly pushes me away from the entrance, and joins me outside the room.

"Derek," I begin, "I know you don't know me and probably don't like me, but I really just need to talk to Penelope. This was all just a huge misunderstanding. I don't want her to leave. That is the exact opposite of what I want. I just want a chance to tell her how much she means to me."

"Look, I get it. Things got out of hand, but my best friend is in there crying her heart out and I don't have it in me to let you in when it could very well lead to more heartache for her. She is the best of people and I don't know the specifics, I don't know exactly what happened, but she's hurting and it's because of you."

"But it's not. She left me! And all because of my terrible ex. My ex has been determined to ruin everything Penelope and I have since she found out that I was seeing someone new. You don't know me, so you don't have any way of knowing how much I love Penelope and how much she means to me, but if you did. If you knew that just this morning, I was thinking about how to ask Pen to move in with me. That this morning I was thinking about how I can't go a day without seeing her and holding her, that a life like that isn't a life I want to live. In that room is the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Please just let me talk to her. Let me make things right."


	8. Chapter 8

I enter the room and the first thing I see is Penelope covered in blankets on what I assume is Derek's bed, shaking from sobs. Knowing that she probably doesn't want to see me, I'm not quite sure how to approach her. Derek said he'd give me five minutes and then he'd come in no matter what, so I don't have time to waste. I walk quietly over to the bed and sit down next to her sobbing form.

"Pen," I whisper, hearing her sobs halt momentarily in surprise, "I'm so sorry that this happened. Please don't leave me," I continue, feeling tears starting to track down my face. "I don't want to be without you. Don't let her tear us apart."

"B-b-but she's going to take everything away from you! F-from us!"

"Not if we don't let her, Pen. Please don't give her this power. This is exactly what she wanted. She's gone now. She's not coming back. I won't let her. I won't let her take you away from me. Please, Pen."

"I c-can't do this!"

"Pen, please." I hear my voice hitch and know that I am close to joining her in sobbing. "I know us. We are stronger than her. Than this. We can make it through this. Just please give us a chance." I pull the blanket away from her, letting me see her for the first time in what feels like days, but has only been an hour. She looks exhausted, heartbroken, and devastated, looks that I never wanted to see on her face.

I move so that I can hold her and I feel her begin to calm down as both of our tears stop. She finally looks at me, and I can tell that she's unsure of what to do.

"Pen, talk to me."

"I don't want you to give up your future for me."

" _You_ are my future. You're the only future I want. I don't care if I have to go somewhere else to finish my degree. I just want you to be with me. I don't want this-us being apart. I don't want you to ever think that something like a degree could come between us. We haven't been together long, and I know that that makes us both feel self-conscious, especially when it comes to our feelings, but I need you to know that you mean the world to me. So much more than a degree would mean."

"Aaron," she starts before grabbing my face and kissing me. After a few moments she pulls away before standing up from the bed and pacing the short distance of the room. "I'm worried. There's a lot that's happening. It's all going so fast. We've only been dating for a few months and you're talking about giving up your degree for me. I know that you're saying that I mean more to you than your degree, and I love you for that, but I don't want us to be married forty years from now and have you resent me for this. I can't do that. To either of us. I think we need to take a break. And not a Haley-induced break. A real break. I need to figure out what I want and I think you need to do the same."

"I don't understand," I state, sitting up in the bed and trying to move toward Penelope, but she puts her hand out in front of her, clearly telling me to stop.

"If you come over here, you're going to kiss me and I won't be able to stand firm on this. Aaron, I love you and I'm so thankful for the time we've had together, but I can't do this anymore. I need time to myself to figure things out. I love that you see a future with me, and I see a future with you, but I'm 21! I'm not ready to settle down and make life-altering decisions like this. I want to break up. But not because I don't love you, because I love you too much. I've lost sight of what I want and I think you have too."

"Pen, I don't want this! I don't want to be without you!"

"That's what I'm trying to say, Aaron. I don't want to be without you, either. And that terrifies me. I went from a self-sufficient, confident woman to a girl I barely recognize. I'm sneaking around, practically living with you, and talking about forever with a guy I've only known for three months. I can't do this!"

"Pen, please."

"I'm sorry, Aaron. I really think that this is for the best. If we're meant to be, we'll find our way back to each other eventually." I sit there, completely shell shocked as I hear the door open and realize that our five minutes are up. Our last five minutes. I gather all the courage I have left and stand up. I move towards Penelope and kiss her cheek, saying one last goodbye before I move past her and out the door.

* * *

The week somehow is even more unbearable, while I'm looking around every corner for Penelope, hoping to see her everywhere and simultaneously wanting not to see her at all. However, I don't see her anywhere. She's not at the usual spot where we "run into each other." She doesn't come into my office randomly to discuss the readings. I really start to worry when she misses class on Wednesday. The last thing I want is for her to have trouble with classwork because she's avoiding me.

On Friday, she walks into the classroom, and I can tell that she's not doing well and definitely does not want to be there, but before I can say anything, even hello, she walks up to me and hands me a form requesting a class transfer. I frown, but refuse to make eye contact, and sign the form, hopefully not showing that my heart is crumbling apart. It's not until that moment that it fully hits me. _It's over. We're done. I've lost her._


	9. Chapter 9

As the months go by, I begin to miss Penelope unbearably. It's a new semester now, and she has a new schedule, new classes, and no way for me to find her. Not that I've been trying. The temptation has been there, though. At the end of last semester, I at least knew where to look for her, although she did a good job of hiding from me. But this way she gets what she wanted, a clean break from me. I'm not sure where things went wrong with us. It's taken some time, but I'm beginning to understand why she left. Things were intense between us, but that's only because I could tell that it was right. That we were right. And now, without her, there's only emptiness.

It's now the beginning of March, and it's been four months since Penelope and I broke up, and three months since I last saw her. I'm starting to feel a desperate need to see her, so when some of the grad students decided to go to the last home basketball game of the season, I found myself being one of the first to respond. Now it's the night of the game and I'm finding myself in the same seat, once again sitting next to Dave, waiting for the game to start and Penelope to appear.

I feel Dave watching me as I stare at the floor, not wanting to miss the opportunity to see her.

"Aaron, is everything okay?" Dave asks.

"Yeah, I just-" I stop quickly as I see the cheerleaders take the floor. I find Penelope quickly and watch her as she takes her spot on the court, looking just as beautiful as ever. Except she seems different. Her smile is bigger and brighter than I remember it. She's happy. Happier than she was when we were together. Realizations come pouring over me at that moment. _I wasn't making her this happy when we were together. She needed us to be over. She won't want to see me here._

As painful as it is to see her, I can't find it in me to leave. I'm once again mesmerized by her. _Who am I kidding? I've always been mesmerized by her. The way she moves, the way she dances, the way she looks after-_

"Aaron," Dave begins, pulling me from my thoughts. "What happened between you and Penelope?" I look at Dave with surprise and he chuckles slightly at my reaction. "You look equal parts devastated and exhilarated. And you're staring at her. But you haven't been to any games this semester until now. You used to go to every game last semester. And stare at her. Something happened."

"You're a very perceptive man. I didn't realize how much I had given away." He looks at me, telling me to continue. "We were seeing each other. I don't know that you can call it dating since we couldn't really see each other out of my apartment. But things were amazing and we were in love and then my ex kind of ruined everything. Well, I didn't help much, apparently."

"What do you mean?"

"When she ended things, she told me that it was in large part due to feeling like she was in over her head. That I was moving too fast and she wasn't ready for the level of commitment that I was ready for. I mean, she is young, but I just know. She's the one."

"You mean knew." I look at him quizzically as he continues. "You said you know that she's the one. But you two aren't together anymore."

"No, Dave. I still know that she's the one. I'm just waiting for her to realize it."

"Well, I don't want to make this harder for you, but I'm not sure she's going to realize it."

"I've been thinking the same thing. When she ended it, she said that if we are meant to be together, we'll find our way back to each other eventually. Except that I don't know that I believe that. I mean, what happens when she graduates and I never see her again? It'll never happen. I want it to happen. I need it to happen. But then I look at her now and she looks happier than I remember her being in a long time. Since the beginning of our relationship. That was the last time she looked this happy. I just made her miserable."

"Aaron, you can't do this to yourself. And you can't be here. It's not helping anything. It's not helping you and if she sees you, it's not going to help her. She needs time. And that's what you're going to give her. Time and space. Being here is not giving her space."

"I know, I just needed to see her. I haven't seen her since last semester. She transferred out of my class, you know."

"I heard. Word travels fast here."

"Apparently. I'm just glad no one else found out about us. I can't even imagine how quickly word would have spread about that."

"Yeah, you would have been out on your ass by the end of the hour." After a pause during which we're both contemplating Dave's words, he speaks again. "Let's get out of here. You're going to spend the whole game in misery. Let's go get drunk." I nod in consent and we stand up to leave, but then I hear Dave gasp. I look back at him and see him staring at the court. I look over and see the absolute last thing I wanted to see. The team has entered the court, and Penelope and Derek are kissing, looking like they're about two minutes away from just having sex right there on the court. He breaks off the kiss and she looks the happiest I've ever seen her staring at him as he rejoins the team on the other side of the court. I feel Dave pushing me, trying to get me to move, probably afraid that I'll make a scene, but as he tries to get me to move, Penelope's eyes find mine and her mouth gapes open as she pales. I turn away and run out of the arena as quickly as I can, refusing to look back.


	10. Chapter 10

Sitting in my bedroom the next day, my thoughts are still revolving around Penelope and that kiss. My thoughts haven't changed at all since that happened. I've spent all day wallowing and thinking about her. And regretting going to the game at all. I had already thought it was a bad idea, but after everything that happened, I can't believe I went. I can't believe that I would have ever thought putting myself through that torture would help anything.

Before this ordeal, I could think about other things, but now, I can't focus on anything but her. Seeing how happy she was and knowing that that happiness was because of Derek Morgan. And no longer being with me. Sitting here, I half expect her to turn up and try to talk to me, but the rational part of my brain knows that she's not coming. She doesn't owe me any sort of explanation anyway. She's perfectly welcome to date whomever she'd like, even if it seems like she moved on quickly. And it's making me wonder if she truly was faithful when we were together. _She wouldn't have cheated on me. It's not fair to think that way. Not fair to her, and not helping me move on._

I hear the knock at my apartment door, but don't respond, hoping that whoever is there, probably Dave, will just go away. The knocking continues, and I remain quiet, but then I hear the key in the lock _._ The door opens and I look down at my hands, realizing now how this scene must look to an outsider. Sitting on my bed in the dark, just staring into space, I even feel as pathetic as I must look.

"Aaron, can we talk?" I hear Penelope ask, realizing that I need to change where I put my spare key. I groan out loud, hoping that she'll take that as a sign that she should just leave, but I'm not that lucky. "Aaron, please."

"Go away, Penelope," I mutter.

"Aaron, I need to tell you-"

"No, you don't. We're not together anymore because you didn't want to be and now you're with someone new. You owe me nothing. Now, I have a lot to do today, so please, just leave."

"Oh yeah, I can tell how much you need to get done. Sitting here in the dark. Aaron, have you been sitting in bed all day? Don't give me any bullshit about being too busy. You're a terrible liar."

"I'm so glad we could have this time together. We weren't together long enough for you to start telling me everything that I'm bad at."

"You know what? I was going to come in here to apologize. To tell you how sorry I am that you had to see me kissing Derek before the game, but I don't know why I bothered. Why did I care?"

"I have no idea. We're not together, so unless you cheated on me with Derek, you owe me nothing."

"Is that your subtle way of asking if I was sleeping with Derek while we were together?"

"Well, you did sleep in his bed."

"No, I didn't! I explained this to you."

"Fine, then exactly how long did it take you to move on? A month? A day? Because I'm still not over you and here you are publicly making out with someone new." At this point, I feel myself getting worked up, and I fight everything in me that wants to start shouting at her. I stand up and start pacing as I see her move to the bed and take up the spot I had just left.

"Derek and I did get together fast. A few weeks after we ended things." I groan again, but she continues. "After you left that day, he stayed with me and a few days later he told me that he wanted us to be together, but he was going to wait until I had gotten over you. He didn't want us to be a once and done couple, a way for me to get over you."

"I don't know what twisted part of your brain thinks that this is helping, but this is the worst you could have done to me. Not only are you over me, but it also took you a few weeks to feel like you were over me enough to start another relationship. And if that wasn't enough, you seem like you're perfectly fine with the way things are progressing with Derek. Like you don't have any commitment issues when it comes to anyone but me."

"Aaron, that's not fair. Derek and I have known each other for a much longer time than you and I have. We already have that friendship and trust that you and I didn't have. I know that this is upsetting, but I need you to know that none of this diminishes what we had. I did love you and I don't want you to think that that would just go away because I'm seeing someone else."

"As far as I can tell, it does completely diminish what we had, but thank you for coming here and telling me this. I definitely wanted to know all of this."

"Please stop being a jackass for a minute."

Before I can answer, my phone starts ringing and I look at it before responding, "I need to answer this, thanks for stopping by." I turn away from Penelope and walk into my living room to answer the call.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mr. Hotchner?"

"Yes."

"Hi, I'm Dr. Tolbert from Maple Park University's English Department. We received your application for transfer, and I'm happy to tell you that we would be honored if you would finished your doctorate here. All of your coursework would transfer over and we'd be able to offer you a great financial deal as well as monetary assistance to help with the cost of moving."

"Oh, that's wonderful news, thank you so much!"

"Of course, your academic record is outstanding and everyone we talked to about you had only wonderful things to say. But, I've been wondering why you're transferring?"

"Ah, well, the answer to that is a bit complicated, but I find myself needing a change of location due to personal reasons, so I'm very grateful for the offer, and I will be happy to accept it."

"Excellent. I'll be in further contact during the course of the week to let you know more details. Welcome to Maple Park!"

I hang up the phone, smiling for the first time in a while when I hear throat clearing. I look up and see Penelope still in my apartment, now standing behind me, looking pale and like she's on the verge of tears. "You're leaving?"


	11. Chapter 11

"You're leaving?" Penelope whispers again, and I hear in her voice that she is on the edge of tears.

"Yes. I'm leaving."

"B-but why? Is it because of-"

"You? Us? No, I just need to get out of here."

"You're lying to me."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are!" she practically shouts, now pacing the living room as I sit down on the couch. I look at her confusedly, hoping that she continues. "You have tells, Aaron. I know when you're lying. We were together long enough for me to figure that out."

"What are you talking about?"

"You always scrunch your nose up a little bit when you're lying. At least, when you're lying to me. It looks a little bit like you're in pain."

"Do I really?"

"Yeah, it's pretty adorable," she responds, moving to the chair opposite from where I'm sitting. "So you're leaving because of me."

"Yes. I can't be around here anymore. I can't…be around you anymore. Especially now."

"Because of Derek?"

"Well, yes. And no. It's not just because of that. I can't be here where you can walk into my apartment at any moment. I can't be in my office knowing that you could be outside my office or walking down the hallway. The past few months have been hell, knowing that I could run into you anywhere at any time. Simultaneously wanting that more than anything and hoping desperately that that doesn't happen. I can't do this to myself anymore. I spend all of my time thinking about you, dreaming about you, and missing you. I need to stop. I need to move on. Move away. Get my life together, get myself together, and finish my doctorate. I can't do that here." After my little speech, I finally gather my courage and look up at Penelope only to see her crying silently.

"Aaron, I'm so sorry," she manages to get out.

"Penelope, please, don't. It's not worth it. You've said all you need to say and you're happy now, which is all I want for you."

"But Aaron, I care about you so much. I can't have you hurting because of things I did, things I said. That's not fair. You shouldn't have to leave."

"Well, honestly, Penelope, I don't see another solution."

"I'll leave."

"No, Penelope, you won't."

"Yes! I will. I'll transfer. You can stay and finish out your degree and live the life you would have if you hadn't met me in the first place."

"Penelope, your life is here. Your team is here. Your…boyfriend is here. I have nothing keeping me here anymore. Plus, you leave and I still have memories of you everywhere I turn. That's not a better solution. I'm leaving and you won't have to see me again. You can move on with your life. Be with Derek. Be happy."

"But I don't want you to leave."

"Penelope, please. Don't. Don't say things like that. You don't mean it. You and I both know that."

"But-"

"No. No more buts. It's going to be fine. You went three months without seeing me and you were totally fine. I saw the way you looked yesterday before you realized that I was there. That was the happiest I've ever seen you. Happier than I ever made you. You'll lead a wonderful life without me. You'll be better off with me gone. Now, I need to start packing."

"Why?"

"Well if I'm moving, I need to get my things together."

"I understand the concept of moving, Aaron. I meant why do you need to get your things together right now?"

"Because I'm moving on Friday."

"What?!"

"Yeah. I had already told my department chair and found a new apartment. I was just waiting for everything to be finalized."

"You're not waiting until the end of the semester?"

"No. I've finished my coursework here, so I just have my dissertation to finish and I can do that anywhere. There's nothing keeping me here anymore. The sooner I leave, the sooner things get better. For me, at least. So, I should really get started packing," I state, standing up and moving to my bedroom where I pick up some empty boxes and start packing.

After a few moments, I hear Penelope start to move, heading towards the door. I'm fairly sure I hear her pick something up before she whispers "Goodbye, Aaron." When I turn around, all I see is her hair as she exits, shutting the door quietly behind her. As soon as I'm sure she's gone, I do the only thing that makes sense in that moment, curl up in a ball on my bed and sob.

* * *

After a few long days of packing, making sure everything is finalized, and saying goodbye to my friends, moving day is finally here. I head into work one last time, turning in the last of the papers I'll grade here and saying goodbye to the faculty. I then go and sit in my office for a few minutes under the guise of making sure that I packed up everything. I take a few moments to reminisce about the last few years here, all the memories I've made, both good and bad. My thoughts, once again, revolve around Penelope and the time we've spent in this office. _This is my final goodbye to her. I leave today, and I refuse to bring her with me._

After taking a final walk down the English hallway, I head out the front door, taking mental pictures to remember my time here. Finally, I head back to my apartment. I walk inside and it looks like a completely strange place with nothing inside but the last few boxes that I haven't yet packed. I take a walk around the small space, checking to make sure I didn't miss anything. When I walk into the bedroom, I see something lying on the floor. I pick up the small white envelope and see my name written across the front in the handwriting that I know better than my own. "Penelope," I whisper while staring at the envelope, trying to decide what to do.


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Aaron,

I don't really know how to do this. I don't know how to say the things that I need to say. I also don't really know what I need to say. So I guess I just don't really know anything right now.

By the time you read this, you will be heading out, leaving me, and on your way to continuing your life without the burden of us, of me, to keep holding you back. Either that or you won't read this until you're already moved or ten years from now, or maybe you'll just throw it away on your way outside the door. But I needed to write it anyway.

There are some things I need you to know. Which is why I'm writing this letter.

The first and most important thing is that I love you. I've loved you for a long time. When we were together, I was so incredibly happy. And you made me that happy. I know that you think that I wasn't as happy with you as I am with Derek. You couldn't be more wrong, Aaron. You just weren't looking. You know how in movies you can tell that the guy and the girl are completely head over heels for each other, but they can never seem to figure it out and then they'll look at each other when the other's looking away and that look says it all? That's how I looked at you.

I know things aren't the same and they won't ever be the same again. But you need to know above all else how much our time together meant to me. You are the first man that I have ever loved. You'll always be that for me, the man who first held my heart. You'll always be with me and a part of me, a huge part of my life. There will always be a part of me that is in love with you, that wishes things had been different, but I don't regret anything. I don't regret loving you, I don't regret being with you and having to hide our relationship, and I don't regret ending things for the reason that I did.

The breakup was terrible. It hurt me to have to do that to you, and I hate being apart from you, but I needed it. We both needed it. Someday, I hope you understand why I had to end it and why I can't regret that decision. In a different world, if we had met differently, been different people, lived different lives, things might have worked out perfectly, happily ever after and all. But we're not different people. We're us. And that's amazing. But as us, in this time and place, it wasn't going to work. You were going to gradually begin resenting me for my friendship with Derek, I would have hated that we had to hide our relationship constantly, and so many other things would have come between us. It would have ended poorly no matter what.

But no matter how things ended up. Forget the fact that I'm seeing someone else and that it's the guy you thought I would end up with. Forget that he and I got together so quickly. None of that diminishes what we had together. What we had was incredible. That's why it scared me so much. I fell so deeply in love with you that I lost sight of myself. Because all I wanted to imagine was who I was with you, not who I am on my own. And that's how badly I wanted to be with you, that I wanted to forget about me and just be us. But I'm too young to be giving up everything. I can't be where you are in your life. You want to settle down, start a family, and begin your life. But I'm not ready for that and you deserve to be with someone who is.

I know you're not going to like it, but I need to tell you about Derek. I know you think you know everything there is to know about my relationship with him, but you're wrong. Derek and I have a long history. He's been my friend for years. And that's all we were – friends. That's all I wanted us to be. I wasn't lying to you when I told you about staying with him. Derek and I never so much as held hands before you and I broke up. Derek is my best friend. He was there for me when I was in need. And, yes, he and I got together quickly, but it is not because I was cheating on you or not in love with you. It was because I knew being with Derek would make me happy again. And I needed that more than anything. I needed to stop feeling miserable all the time and thinking about you and how things could have ended up differently. So when Derek told me that he had feelings for me, I started thinking about him. And it made the pain lessen. I hope that someday soon you find someone who makes your pain lessen. Someone who is your solace.

There's only one more thing I really need to tell you. And you might not read this in time or ever, but I'm writing it anyway. I don't want you to leave. My reasons are entirely selfish, but I can't imagine my world without you in it somewhere. I want to know that you're always around. Because one day soon, I might find myself outside your office door needing to talk to you. I get that you need to leave and refocus, but I don't want you to. I'm going to miss you so much. Thank you for being you and for being with me. For giving us a chance.

Aaron, I love you and I want the best for you. I want you to lead the incredible life I know you were meant to lead. You are the kindest, most intelligent, funniest, sexiest man I have had the pleasure of knowing. The pleasure of being with. Never forget how amazing you are and never forget how much you mean to me.

Love always,

Penelope


	13. Chapter 13

"Thanks, Dr. Hotchner! I'll see you in class tomorrow," one of my students says as they exit my office.

" _Dr._ Hotchner, huh?" I hear a voice question outside my office. But not just any voice. A voice I haven't heard in over ten years.

"Penelope?" I utter, still unable to say her name without it sounding like a prayer.

"Hi, Aaron," she responds, finally entering my office. If possible, she looks even more beautiful than I remember her being.

"Penelope," I say once again, still looking at her like she's a figment of my imagination.

"I'm really here, Aaron."

"I just-"

"It's been a while."

"Yeah," I swallow the lump in my throat before standing and making my way over to her. Awkwardly and not quite knowing what to do in this situation, I pull her into a quick hug before shutting my office door and having her sit.

"You have a big kid office now, Aaron."

"Y-Yeah," I clear my throat, "they give you one of those when you get your doctorate and become a tenured professor."

"Congratulations," she responds, smiling at me.

"Thank you. How did you-"

"Find you?" I nod in response, still confused about everything, but she continues. "Google. You're a professor at a university. Not exactly the hardest person to find, Aaron. Though, apparently, not for lack of trying."

"I didn't mean it like that, Pen. I just didn't realize that you'd be looking for me."

"I've kept an eye on you this whole time."

"Why? It's been ten years."

"Do you mean why or why now?"

"I guess both," I respond, shrugging.

"Well, Aaron, I wanted to know where you were, what you were up to. Just because you were leaving didn't mean I was ready to say goodbye. I knew you'd do amazing things with your life, and more than that, I knew I'd want to find you again someday. So, I kept track of what you were up to, mostly academically. It's a bit harder to find out personal information. At least, without totally invading your privacy."

"Well, thank you for not doing that. So, why are you here now?"

"I don't really know. I've known you were working here for a while now, but I'm not really sure what made me come. Besides how much I missed you."

I clear my throat again before responding. "So, what are you up to these days?"

"I'm, uh, teaching," she responds, clearly uncomfortable with my lack of verbal reciprocation. "I teach kindergarten about half an hour north of here."

"That's perfect for you."

"Yeah. The kids are wonderful. I really love it."

"Good." We're both quiet for a few moments after that, not really sure what to say or do. I have no idea how to operate in this situation, and no clue how I got myself into this to begin with.

Penelope suddenly stands up amidst the silence and says, "I probably shouldn't have come. I'm sorry, Aaron."

"Pen, no. Please stay. I'm just trying to adjust. It's been ten years and I haven't seen you and now you're here and I just-I just needed a minute. I'm sorry. Please, sit down. Stay for a while." She smiles at me briefly before resuming her seat. "So," I begin again, "tell me everything. What have you been up to?"

"Well, after you left, I spent most of my time studying, cheering, the usual. Then I graduated a year after that, and I started working. I've moved around a little bit, between trying to find work and some other situations, but I really love the school I'm working for now, and it definitely feels like a new permanent home for me."

"That's wonderful, Pen. And, um, how are things with-"

"Derek? We broke up a little after school ended. He moved back to Chicago and I was stupid enough to think that he'd want me there with him, so I moved there too, got a job that I hated, and after a little while, we both started to resent each other so much that we decided to end things."

"Really? I didn't see that coming."

"Neither did I. But it was for the best. Derek and I would have fallen apart at some point. It was really just a matter of time."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, Aaron, I was in love with you the whole time Derek and I were together," she responds quietly, no longer making eye contact with me.

"You-you were?" I question, feeling heat rise to my face.

"Yeah, I still am." I look at her, completely flabbergasted.

"Pen, I-"

"No, please don't say anything," she states, much louder and surer than before. "I just needed to tell you and to ask you for a second chance. I know it's been years, and that they were hard years. At least, they were hard years for me. Being without you, losing you, even though it was my choice, it was the hardest thing I've ever been through. I know I don't deserve a second chance, I mean, you left because of me. Because of what I did to you. But, I can't live without you anymore. I don't want to be without you anymore. Please, just give me another chance to show you how much I love you, how much I want us to be together."

I see tears in her eyes and feel them in my own, but the knock on my office door keeps me from responding.

"Aaron, are you ready for dinner?" Jill asks, entering my office, but stopping quickly when she sees Penelope. "Oh! I'm so sorry, I didn't know."

"No, Jill, it's fine. Jill, this is Penelope, Pen, this is Jill, my uh-"

"Girlfriend," Jill states, giving me an odd look before turning to greet Pen. I now look over at Pen and see her mouth hanging open. She pulls herself together quickly before returning Jill's greeting. "Penelope, are you a friend of Aaron's?"

"Yes," she responds quietly. "We're old friends."

"Well, any old friend of Aaron's is a friend of mine. Especially if you have juicy stories about him." Jill is smiling widely, completely unaware of how upset Pen is right now. "Why don't you join me and Aaron for dinner?"

"Oh no," Pen responds quickly, too quickly. "I really should be going. I just dropped by to catch up with Aaron, but I have some things I need to do. Thank you, though."

"Well, some other time, then," Jill responds.

"Sure, I'd love that," Pen responds before heading for the door. "I'm, uh, sorry if I interrupted your day, Aaron. It was nice meeting you, Jill."

"You too!" Jill responds pleasantly as Penelope walks out the door. I just stand there, mouth agape, still not comprehending all that had happened in the past few minutes. Wishing things had turned out differently. Wishing Pen had come back into my life three months sooner.


	14. Chapter 14

"Baby, are you okay? You seem kind of out of it," Jill asks, looking at me across the dinner table.

"Yeah," I respond, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry, I'm in kind of a daze."

"That's alright. Do you want to talk about whatever it is that has you thinking so hard? Or maybe tell me what you have in your hand that you've been playing with all night?"

"Oh," I reply, not realizing that she had noticed that. "It's nothing," I state, moving the envelope back into my wallet before she asks again.

"Aaron, please. Talk to me."

"It's really nothing to talk about, just seeing Penelope again today has me in a ruminative mood."

"How did you two know each other? Neither of you really said."

"Oh, she was one of my students during grad school. I was her TA, and she would come in to my office on occasion to chat about readings and things, so we got pretty close."

"You had that much of an effect on her as a TA? I mean, I know you're a good teacher, but still."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she came back to see you. She sought you out."

"Yeah, I mean, we were very close."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"I'm telling you everything."

"No, you're not. I can tell."

"Jill, I really don't want to get into it."

"Well I do. A woman who hasn't been part of your life for, what, ten years, suddenly comes back into your life and I'm supposed to just drop it?"

"Yes. That is the general meaning of 'I don't want to get into it.'"

"Seriously? Aaron, what has come over you?" she asks, and I look up at her for the first time since the beginning of the conversation and realize how upset she is becoming over this conversation. _Maybe I should just come clean. Save us both the headache._

"Fine. I'll tell you. Penelope wasn't just my student. We started seeing each other. But things, as they were bound to, became very complicated very quickly and we ended up splitting up, much against my will. Then a month or so later, she was seeing someone else. I never really got over her, but she had moved on, so I physically moved on, transferred schools, started over. I learned from the mistake I made. They tell you on the first day of TA training to not sleep with your students, but I threw that rule out as soon as I met her, and it was the hardest thing I've been through."

"Are you still in love with her?"

"No!" I respond, incredulous. "What would make you ask that?"

"Well, you said that you've never really gotten over her, so in my mind that means that you still aren't over her. And by virtue of her having been in your office today, I can only imagine that she has broken up with the other guy and was doing the visit to see if you were single."

"I don't-I don't really know."

"Aaron," she starts, grabbing my hand from across the table. "Pretend for a minute that I'm not your girlfriend. That I'm just a friend. Do you still have feelings for her?"

"Yes, Jill, I do. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully move on from Penelope. I've been trying for years. I threw myself at women when I first moved, just trying to find physical comfort from other women, even just distraction so that I wouldn't be constantly thinking about her. And then I met you, and you made me forget about her and want to move on completely…"

"But you couldn't," she interjected. "She's your person." I look at her confused by that statement, and she continues. "The one person you were meant to be with. Your other half. Your one, true love."

"I don't know about all of that. I don't know that I even believe in one person being the person you're meant to be with."

"Well I do, and I can tell."

"How can you tell?"

"I saw the way you looked at her when I walked into your office. And heard the way you talked about her. Plus, there's always the tell of how you say the person's name." I lower my head, looking at my lap, knowing that at least in the last respect, she is completely right.

"I'm sorry, Jill," I state, looking back up at her.

"No, don't be," she responds, pulling her hand back, out of my grasp. "I really liked you, Aaron, but she's your person. There's no competing with that." I smile at her slightly before she continues. "What was that thing you were playing with?"

"Oh," I reply, pulling my wallet back out and removing the envelope. "It's a letter. Penelope wrote it to me when I was moving."

"Do you always carry it with you?" she asks and I nod in response. "Can I read it?" I think about it for a second before handing it to her.

For the next few minutes, I watch her reading the note, and as I know it by heart, I know exactly what part she's reading when she smiles or frowns. Finally, she folds it back up and hands it to me. "Wow. She really loves you. You need to go get that girl."

"I'm not sure that she's going to want me after seeing us together."

"She will. Go to her."

* * *

I approach the door, feeling like I'm 20 years old again, my heart pounding in my chest so hard that I'm simultaneously worried about having a heart attack and unable to hear anything. After taking a deep breath, I knock on the classroom door and hear her heels hitting the floor as she crosses the room. She opens the door and I can't help but smile at her startled look. Before either of us can say anything, I grab hold of her and pull her as close to me as I can before my lips find hers.


	15. Chapter 15

"Aaron," Penelope mumbled from next to me in bed.

"Yeah," I respond, my eyes still closed, still living on cloud nine after being back together with her.

"I don't want it to sound like I'm complaining or upset or anything, so don't misinterpret this, but what just happened?" My eyes open and find hers staring at me with concern and a lot of fear. "A few hours ago, I met your girlfriend. I confessed all of my feelings for you and then your girlfriend came through the door. And she's quite possibly the nicest person I've ever met and somehow, despite that, you're here."

"Well, after you left, Jill and I went out for dinner and we were talking – well, she was talking and I was pretending to listen. Because I couldn't stop thinking about you and all of the things you had told me. I spent years working on moving past you. Trying my hardest to be with another woman and not spend the entire time we were together comparing her to you. Jill was actually the first woman that I was able to do that with. I never once compared her to you. I was doing really well at not even thinking about you every day. And then you waltz back into my life and tell me that you still have feelings for me after all this time, and well, it just made everything change."

"So, we're at dinner and you're all I can think about, and I thought I was being very subtle about it, but of course I wasn't. And Jill asks me what's going on and wants to know everything about you and I told her. And then she read the letter. And she sent me here."

"She sent you here? Wait! The letter?"

"Yeah. She read it and said that we were meant to be together and she wasn't going to get in the way of that."

"Really? That woman is an angel."

"She really is. We'll have to make sure to invite her to the wedding."

"Wedding?" Penelope asks, smiling at me, now looking hopeful and lovingly back at me.

"Our wedding, of course."

"When are we getting married?"

"As soon as you say yes."

"So, like, no waiting period at all?" she smiles up at me, looking mischievous. "What if I want to throw a big wedding and invite everyone we know?"

"Okay, fine. We can wait a little bit. But don't make me wait forever. I've been waiting long enough already."

"I know you have," she reaches up and places her hand against my cheek, pulling me over to her for a sweet kiss. "I'm sorry, Aaron."

"You don't have to keep apologizing."

"But I do. I can't believe all that I put you through. All that pain that was so useless in the end. I left you and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that."

"Pen," I say, pulling her face up so that she is looking directly at me, "I've forgiven you. I forgave you long ago." She looks confused by my words, so I continue. "When you left me, I was miserable and I couldn't understand why it had happened. But pretty soon afterwards, I got it. It all made sense. I understood why you needed to leave me. You needed to be yourself and I was holding you back from that. I was keeping you from figuring out who you were. I wanted everything from you and you were not ready for that kind of commitment. You were so young. _I_ was so young. Neither of us were ready for what I thought we were, and you were the only one who saw that. We needed to fall apart. How else would we have been able to come back together?"

"Oh, Aaron," Pen responds before pulling me into a much longer kiss than before.

After a few moments, she pulls away suddenly, as though she has just remembered something. "Wait! You said something about the letter! You read it?!"

"Of course I read it. You leave me a letter as your last words to me. How could I not read it?"

"I guess I just thought that I didn't deserve for you to read it. After everything I did-"

"Stop that! Please, Pen. For me, try to forgive yourself."

"Okay, but I still assumed at the time that you would never read it. That you would look at it and see that it was from me and tear it up or burn it or something."

"I would never. It came from you. I carry it with me always."

"Always?"

To answer her question, I stand up from the bed and walk over to my long-abandoned pants, grabbing my wallet before returning to the bed. I open it and pull out the envelope before handing it over to her. Pen opens the envelope, revealing the letter that is clearly worn from time and frequent readings. A moment later, she looks back up at me with tears in her eyes. "I love you so much, Aaron."

"I love you too, Penelope. I'm so glad you came back to me. That's not the only thing I kept of yours."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, let me show you." I stand up again and walk out to Pen's living room to find my jacket. I soon return to Pen in bed and hand her the small box.

"What is this, Aaron?" Pen responds, sitting up in bed, unable to take her eyes off of the box, but also unable to open the box.

"It's yours. And I think you know what it is. Open it."

Pen finally opens the box and tears are slowly streaming down her face when she looks over, only to find that I've moved and am now kneeling by her side of the bed.

"Pen, I bought that ring a week before we had that fight. I was going to wait for a little bit and ask you, but – well, it never happened. But I held onto it because a part of me knew that eventually we'd figure this out. That eventually we'd find our way back to each other."

"Oh, Aaron. I'm so glad you were right!"

"Is that a yes?" I ask, but all Pen is able to do is smile and nod in response as her tears fall.


	16. Epilogue

_Three Months Later_

I hear the music change and move my eyes away from scanning the crowd to the back of the church, where my eyes find her. I gasp slightly as I am once again accosted by her spectacular beauty. _I still can't believe that this incredible woman is mine,_ I think to myself as she makes her way down the aisle towards me. Dave pats my back beside me and whispers in my ear "she looks amazing, Aaron."

"She always does," I reply, completely unable to take my eyes off of her now that I finally get to see her. The past few months have been hard on us, trying to plan the wedding in such a short amount of time, both working in separate cities, trying to figure out where we're going to settle down. But despite my thoughts to the contrary, it all came together in the end. Everything worked out for the best.

Even despite the beginning of our relationship where we had to hide our feelings, despite her leaving me, despite everything terrible that happened when we were apart, we figured it out in the end. Seeing her look this happy and knowing that I'm going to be with her every day of my life and try my hardest to make her this happy every day, makes everything we've been through worthwhile.

When she finally reaches me at the altar and takes my arm, I am overcome by how lucky I have gotten and how excited I am to start our life together.

* * *

 _Two and a Half Years Later_

"Happy birthday, munchkin!" I say as I see Brienne round the corner, running towards me, reaching out for me to pick her up. I see Penelope coming down the hall behind her, wearing a party hat and beaming at our 2 year old daughter. She plops down into the seat behind me and I join her once I have Brienne in my arms.

"Phew," Penelope says, "I'm glad that's over."

"Me too," I reply. "Did you have fun at your party, sweetheart?" I ask Brienne who is now curled up against me, probably moments from falling asleep, but finds the ability to nod slightly despite her exhaustion. "Well, I thought it was a huge success," I state quietly to Penelope who looks like the spitting image of her daughter, slightly slumped against the couch, slowly falling towards me, her hand protectively covering her stomach, also moments away from sleep taking her. She too nods, despite her tiredness, and a huge smile erupts on my face at the similarities between my two girls.

Every moment with the two of them beside me makes me happier than I ever thought possible, and I continuously realize just how lucky I have gotten in my life.

* * *

 _Eleven Years Later_

"I can't believe Brienne is starting high school!" Penelope states, entering the kitchen.

"I know!" I reply. "And Jaime's going to be in middle school."

"Before we know it, they're going to be off to college and we're going to have the house all to ourselves," Penelope states, moving towards me and taking a seat in my lap, rubbing her hands up my chest to my shoulders where they loop around and pull me to her for a heated kiss. A heated kiss that is way too quickly interrupted by a sound of disgust coming from the hallway.

"Mom, dad, can you please stop making out all the time?" Brienne asks, moving into the kitchen once Penelope and I have separated.

"Doesn't sound likely, honey," Pen responds, smirking at me while Brienne pretends to vomit from behind her. "Before too long, sweetie, you're going to find someone yourself and then you'll understand the way your father and I feel about each other."

"Not likely, mom."

"Whatever you say," Penelope responds with an air of eternal rightness in her voice.

"Are you excited for your first day, Bri?" I ask, ready for a change in topics.

"Yeah, I am. A little nervous, but I'm excited."

"Good! I was all nerves on my first day and I don't remember anything about it," I respond.

"Really?" Pen asks. "I can't imagine you that nervous about something like high school."

"I was so terrified. Maybe the second most nervous I've ever been."

"What was first?"

"Our first date."

"Really?!"

"Yep. I was so terrified that it wasn't going to go well and you weren't going to feel the way I felt about you."

"Wow. I still learn so much about you every day, Aaron Hotchner."

"Can you guys stop please?" Bri asks. "Jaime and I are going to be late for school."

"Alright, let's head out," Pen responds, giving me a kiss before ushering Bri out of the kitchen and leaving me once again to think about how lucky I've been having Pen in my life, having our two beautiful children, being together all this time. It makes all of the trouble I went through while teaching worthwhile. Pen makes everything worthwhile.


End file.
